Oh, I can already foresee this suit giving me problems. Not just because I'm a sadist and for some reason thought it'd be a good idea to shove FIVE FREAKING CHARACTERS IN THIS NARROW ASS FRAME!!! (Sorry, don't mean to yell, but I'm sleepy, and I've been watching Lewis Black and Chris Titus. I'm aware that sometimes in my rants I come off as pissy, but I'm really not. I'm usually ranting slap happy.) ANYWHO, I thought it was tricky trying to figure out how to stick the keyblades and staffs in each layout. These shields are a whole nother level, and I'm only on four. Holy shit snacks. These are gonna be fun times, but I'm good. I can do this shiz. I'm mostly just concerned about losing the detail work on some of these shields, that's all. Cause they're perty.
Alright, I dunno if anyone's even reading this shit anymore, but I'm gonna do this anyways. Strap in, it's gonna be a long one.
I'll admit, I'm taking some personal liberties with this layout. Cause if I'm gonna stick the Evil League of Evil in here, I'm gonna have fun with it. First off, Ursula. I don't know about anyone else, but out of every boss battle, (at least until the flying dickhole known as Ansem Riku) Ursula was the hardest. It seems to be a pattern in games, for me, that the female bosses always kick my ass, and here is no exception. Not the first round, even though I'm not much of a magic user, but big ass queen sea bitch. It takes me too many fucking tries to beat her, so she is smug and dominant, sitting her inky ass on the fancy table. Cause let's face it, who doesn't love queen sea bitch. Oogie... he's a giggling sack of bugs. Still awesome, but not much I can do with him in this. Besides, he's mostly just laughing his ass off in the background anyway.
Hook, on the other hand...
. Ok, (goin back to comics) there's a skit by Dane Cook, that most people know called "the friend that nobody likes". Well, Hook is that "friend". Again, a bit of personal agenda, but I was never a big fan of Peter Pan the movie. In fact, the only thing I ever liked out of it was Hook. (And Tinker Bell of course. 27 years old, and she's still one of my heroes. That's partially because of KH too.) That being said, in both the movie and the game he's never come off as a credible villain. The others, yea, evil. A genuine threat. Hell, I even accept Oogie Boogie as a threat. But not Hook. He's always come off as just a fancy man child throwing a tantrum. I dunno, still love the guy, and he was super fun to draw. Now, another fun tidbit about Hook, in this, is that I wanted to draw him angry. He was the first one I knew what I wanted for him to do. Screaming and brandishing that hook like always. (Took many many attempts cause he kept somehow coming out looking like Wario.
) Now, every reference I looked up, of him angry, he was either screaming his head off, or fighting Peter, and didn't have his hat in any of them; so it wasn't until much later that I had to squeeze that damn hat in there. I could have left it off, but Pirate Captain... needs his hat. Just ask Jack.
I knew where I wanted Hades to stand, but not sure exactly what he'd be doing. So, cause I was already pissed off at Hook's hat, he's setting the damn thing on fire. It became apparent at this time that I am ruthlessly tormenting Hook, and not giving two shits. So, I was gonna roll with it. Jafar was in a similar issue as Hades. I was initially going to have him face palming, or rolling his eyes at his childish colleagues, then realized, "Wait a minute... Jafar's a snarky sassy bitch too. Why not have him being a snarky sassy bitch?" Fun times right? So yea, the ELE sitting around the round table talking about how they're gonna take control, and just generally being dicks to each other. That's the spirit of the four of shields, right? I think so. After all, these cards are all about interpretation. (Is there and emote for me spinning around and falling on my ass? Cause I feel it's appropriate.)
On a side note, I'd like to point out the fact that there seems to be a trend of Disney villains having long skinny fingers. Even the full figured valuptuous sea bitch has long skinny fingers. Figure that one out.
Now, you may be asking yourself, (Yea, I'm still going) "How can I possibly have a card with the League and not have Maleficent? After all, she's the leader of the ELE. She should be there, all imposing and awesome and shit." Well, my answer to you, random non existent questioner is this: First off, fuck you random non existent questioner for asking me to shove a sixth character in here. You ass. Secondly, Maleficent is not just a villain in the Kingdom Hearts universe. She is a main villain. She is essential to the plot, and does not deserve to be lumped in with these B-list villains. (as awesome as they are.) Not only is she essential, but Maleficent has always been one of my favorite villains. The movie she's from may be lame, but she's fan-fucking-tastic. I admire and respect this woman for being the most badass, yet slightly petty villain in the Disney universe. Fucking love her. So, "spoiler alert" she's getting her own card. Yea, I know right, big shock. I mean, how could she not? Especially if Pete got his own card. Ain't telling ya which one though.
Thirdly, if I had put her in, there'd be no room for the shields, which is kinda the whole purpose of doing these. Now that I've gone full circle I'm gonna say, "Good night, and good mental health."
Four: Chain Gear
Upright: Control, stability, security, possession, conservatism
Reversed: Greed, materialism, self-protection
KH tarot started by